When being responsible and jobless hit, I just end up with frustration. I applied for so many job openings I found in a site but all I received were “unfortunately” emails.
I want to be stable and to save up money for my future, and for future business hopefully. So I need stable job that could help me.
I told myself before that I hate job hunting. But here I am again.
There are days where I applied to many job openings. But after some days I’ll receive unfortunately feedbacks. You have already know how frustrated I am in my situation.
There are also days where I am tired applying. So I lay low for a few days, just to rest.
I don’t know if in other places are like here in our country. You may have over 2 years experience from your previous job, but to some company you’re applying, they won’t consider it. Yes, I get it, there’s a competition especially in these times. A lot of potential applicants are also jobless. And I know I can’t beat them.
I continue receiving “unfortunately” feedback from the site since the start of this year, and also last year, goodness. However I didn’t say I’d stop. I have a lot that needs to achieve.
Funny thing is the book was paid by my youngest sibling. She bought me that. We were looking around a bookshop and she told me she’ll buy me a book there I just have to choose. She was also looking for some Wattpad book that time.
You know I was like guided by an angel to find the book. Whenever I go to a bookshop, I would just basically scan through the titles. And when I found something it’s like I get instant connection to that book. This isn’t only when I found the recent book above, but I think every time I’d buy a book actually.
I remember when my friends and I hang out in a mall, and we stopped by a book stall. One of my friends asked me to help her find a book about life (which I quickly understood as some self-help books), because she thinks I’m keen on spotting one. And so I did scan through the books and found one thankfully!
Can I just hide in bed ’til Jesus comes back?
Really can I? Cause I actually don’t want to leave my bed, I could just lie all day!
Just being in bed or in the house means not leaving your comfort zone. Honestly sometimes I could think of just being this ordinary. Like no purpose in life. Just sleep, work and repeat.
How comfortable my life would be? If I could just hide…
But then God has given me a purpose, something to do besides just being ordinary. And I know I can’t always stay in my comfort zone. Though I manage to get to work, I’d still be “cowering under invisible blankets of fear, dread, and self-doubt,” as what the introduction of the book says. Well that maybe the reason why the book and I connected!
Hopefully with this book, I’d get to face life with courage, not comforters!
So you also have new bullet journal notebook now right? This is what I got for this year.
Brown is actually my favorite color! And some of my writings inside I mainly use my Stabilo Point 88 in brown.
At the beginning of each month, I’ll write reminders that I want to be reminded, instead of writing the name of each month. For the weekly spreads, I’ll design each differently, unlike the usual and identical designs I did on my previous bujos.
So an amusing event has took place on my way to Hip-hop music. Although I’d say Hip-hop in the Philippines has always been here, and it’s the most popular genre, but it’s not my forte.
I have always loved rock music ever since, it’s my first love when it comes to genre. And I also love upbeat music, those that can make me dance (at home only, lol). And one of the songs that can make me dance, especially in the Hip-hop industry, is this one…
Dance With You by Skusta Clee
Just the other day I attended the Christmas party of my part-time job. It was just a simple event of eating foods and singing in videoke/karaoke.
When I walked to where the videoke stands, I found that the music video of the song was playing, and so I sat down and watched the video. I heard the song been played by a neighbor before, that’s the first time hearing it. So just the other day was the first time watching the video. It didn’t occur to me that the singer can dance!
An amusing thing is that I came to like the voice of the singer, not in his song “Dance With You,” but in another song called “Pauwi Na Ko.” In this another song, he’s with his crew mates of the Hip-hop group Ex Battalion, but he sings the chorus part. I like his voice, that I kept thinking it when I arrived home. I hope he will have upcoming more songs!
So am I into Hip-hop now?
My honest answer is no.
But this doesn’t mean I don’t like the genre, although it will also depends on the lyrics and the tune. It’s just that I have always been in love with rock music. First love never dies, hahahaha! As an aspiring musician, it’s good to have a lot of preferences and inspirations, the more the merrier!
You know I love to sing in a videoke. Well I doesn’t always do that, only in fortunate occasions. And on that fortunate occasions, I take the opportunity. I take the opportunity to make me lose my voice! At least my voice is getting deeper or just so I thought when in actuality it isn’t, haha.. But singing in a videoke/karaoke is an amazing way to exercise your voice! But really, I think I’m liking my voice more, haha!
Hello! Just got back with some updates that took me forever to share, haha..
Writing. I published my Tagalog story in Wattpad. And I’m also been active writing for it this past weeks.
Kdrama. I have watched Squid Game and Sweet Home. I say this again that I love Kdrama so much. I heard that you must watch Squid Game LAST. But it’s the opposite that happened to me. Now I don’t know if I could watch Alice In The Borderland. I think it’s an awesome series too, but I’m gonna pass for it in the meantime. Regarding animes, I’m rewatching one of my favorite called Soul Eater.
Squid Game and Sweet Home are both great series. However in Sweet Home, I think there are scenes that cut off, or maybe a bit fast that I didn’t understand well? Again however, I realized maybe those scenes will be play on a potential season two.
One morning… It wasn’t fine. It was a bad one for me. I woke up early because I have work that day. It just rained heavily that morning, and my father told me that my pants were soaking through the holes on the roof! I tried to dry it up using a fan, but still damp, so I didn’t bother drying it up.
Although an inappropriate office attire, but I got no choice but to use my tokong (pants that has been cut from the knee down to the end). On my way to work, I talked with our manager on messenger. I was busy with my replies that I forgot to put my face shield!
There’s a checkpoint in a boundary where police checks the passengers if they wear face mask and shield. I only wore a face mask as I forgot to assemble my face shield. Sad to say I was caught not wearing it. So I had to got off the jeep, then had my name and info listed down their sheet. Like really shit. I’m stupid. Regardless, I still apologized to the police officers. I clearly understood my fault. I think I got traumatized by that experience. It took me a few days to move on.
Vaxx. I have also been completed my vaccine shots, thank God. I didn’t have any side effect aside from throbbing headache from my first dose. I think I got it because I had to wake up early that day.
When I arrived at the vaccination site, I was shocked by the line of the first dose, too many people! We occupied almost half of the wide and long parking lot. We were just lining there, inside of the mall was the actual vaccination area. I waited for more than 4 hours on the line before I got my shot..
On my second dose, there were too many people still. And I waited almost 8 hours before I got my second shot..
In my dream, I was afraid as I still have no job yet. I also know my family was suffering too much poorness. Though I was afraid, I still thought of posting covers in YouTube. It will be the solitary way to earn. Besides no company has been accepting me yet. Also in that dream, I’ve been afraid for a long time.
Now that I think about it, isn’t that maybe a feeling I’m just trying to ignore? Well maybe I’m really trying not to notice. Maybe because I’m applying to jobs somehow, so why would I still be afraid? But the thing is I have been applying for months now…
Anyways I’m just gonna ignore.. hahaha.. don’t think about it.. don’t think about it.. hahaha.. 😅
And have you read it? I still thought of posting covers in YouTube..? My channel has very few videos in it, and I got inactive.
I am thinking there might be something which that dream tries to tell me. About the solitary way to earn. Posting covers in YouTube. And my other passions too…
I haven’t asked God for a sign before. But I got an idea just recently of doing my passions while I’m still applying for jobs.
So I’m thinking, actually until now, if that dream was a sign…
A sign to pursue the solitary way to earn, and my other passions too….
At the start of this month, rainy season has officially begun here in the Philippines. It was early this year. Some of us are not ready to face the new season. Like me, I still want summer to remain a little longer.
I honestly don’t like rainy season. Let me tell you some of my lame excuses.
I feel like I’m limited to where I would like to go because I’m just gonna be lazy to get out. Sometimes when I commute for work, my clothes would get wet. If there’s heavy rainfall, I would wear slippers, short and t-shirt first. I just pack my office clothes and change when I arrived in the office. It’s double-clothing.
Nevertheless I don’t clear out the thought that maybe somewhere there are who needs the early rainy season. Summer just cooked us with high heat temperature. There also has someone who tried to boil an egg under the heat of the sun!
Summer had an extreme heat temperature, and I want it to remain a little longer? And I don’t like rainy season?
Just like the two weather, I can’t understand myself sometimes too.
There has also a downside about summer for me. Because it’s summer, we’re about to sweat a lot. And I sweat a lot. So it’s a little annoying.
Summer and rainy season. The major weathers we have in this part of the vast world.
It’s interesting the history of a blog, and why we decided to create one. Some may have specific and reasonable reasons. I happen to be simple as sharing my thoughts. And let me share my discovery too.
I think I discovered about blogging because of Maine Mendoza. She was discovered because of her dubsmash videos. That’s when she auditioned for Eat Bulaga’s Juan For All, All For Juan.
She then became a host, actress, model, and endorser. Eat Bulaga is a noon time show in the Philippines. When she just started in the segment, I adore her personality. Actually not just me, but my whole family adore her.
So her very first appearance in the segment, I stalked her, and found that she has a blog. I was a college sophomore that time. But I think the idea of sharing my thoughts were already there. I just didn’t know how to do it.
As usual as it sound, I created my blog because I want to share my thoughts. Though some may find this unnecessary or corny, I still want to share my thoughts. I simply have an ordinary life. No fancy things or anythings. What I honestly have is a life full of frustration. Regardless I still want to live for my dreams. ❤️
I just really want to say that I’m really grateful to all of you for following and reading my blog. 😇❤️
Have you tried soju then gin after? If you have, how was your hangover? I don’t know if you experienced what I experienced.
My friends and I only drink whenever we gather. During those times, we like to try out new liquors and mixes. But we don’t gather every week or likewise. We only gather when it’s two, three or four months already. Especially now that we all are busy with our own lives, we rarely hang out. So we make the most of our short times.
After we finished with the soju mix, we also went for a bottle of gin mixed with Tang Pineapple. I actually don’t want to taste that mixture anymore. I feel to gag because of its taste and smell. It’s just when the mixture is too sweet, has a lot of juice powder. Now I just prefer a light mixture.
And after we finished with the gin mix, I got sleepy. It’s just a couple of naps. And my head started to pound. When 5am set, we decided to go home. My head still pounding, but I managed to be home. I slept for a while and did some chores in the afternoon. But in the office the next day, my headache got worse, it’s my first time suffering that pain.
I hope you’ll understand my description. The back of my head throbs and my neck numbs, I think maybe it’s because of the aircon. Whenever my neck numbs, I twist my head slowly, worrying I might break a vein.
I don’t like to drink those liquors anymore, haha. Anyhow I don’t always drink, so I guess it’s fine.
Hello to you all.. It’s been a while, hehe.. Update on those past days/weeks? Just got busy over nonsense things. But still looking and applying for jobs though.
By the way, I just recently finished watching the Kdrama “My Mister.”
The drama presents three brothers, where the eldest and the youngest have failures in their lives. The middle brother has a better career among them, but also has a dilemma.
The drama wants to indicate that it’s alright to have failures or to be a failure.
In life there will be no assurance, really. We don’t know what tomorrow will happen.
Somehow I saw myself from the youngest brother. He ended not living his life as a movie/drama director. He got a cleaning job instead. Even in the end of the drama, he didn’t return to be a director.
From time to time, a thought occurs in my head. I thought of just be in a cleaning job. This has been in my head for a very long time. Even when I graduated in 2017 and applying for jobs as a fresh grad. There’s no easy job, but a cleaning job would be comfortable, I guess. And even I got a cleaning job, I will still be doing what I love: playing guitar, writing, and blogging.
I’m not sharing this because I’m frustrated of being jobless. No. I’m still fine and looking for career jobs though. Also I’m still fine because I’m doing what I love… That’s why I’m still fine.
So I took a video of myself (I try to cover a song). Of course I’m ugly, nothing new… Though I should be depressed, there’s nothing I can do about my looks. (This doesn’t really have a connection to my post 😅)
I just like to share what I realized about one of my goals..
I think I should stop forcing myself to grab the time, which I don’t feel bestowed to me willingly, just to take videos of covering songs.
I came up with the realization because:
Though I have little time left before noises emerge outside our house, I could still take videos… sometimes. I’m almost accustomed now that around 4 or 5pm is the start of the noises outside. So I think that’s fine now.
So I also set up where my phone is located to take videos. But the thing is I don’t know what song to play! What is even happening to meyy! There’s usually this weird feeling where I’m excited to play a song, but then as I’m sitting, holding my guitar, and looking at myself on the phone, the weird feeling is lost, and the ending, the little time is wasted! Seriously.. -_-
Frustration. I’m getting old, and I want to begin now for this passion.
Patience. Truth is, this is really limited for me, and in me.
Also I think I’m not prepared enough. Yes I practice in my free time. But just this year was the very time I’m practicing a lot. As I looked back, I know my free time before was not enough. And I know I don’t play the songs fully.
I think those kinds of struggles are what God tries to tell me.
To tell me to stop: “Stop. This is not the little time for you. Don’t take videos, just practice for now. Again.”
Now I just recognized I’m just beginning to be a musician. I’m just beginning to actually achieve the dream, for real.
Or maybe I’ve just been more focused to the dream. That I’m realizing and looking back on these things. And because I’m more focused, I clearly understand these things and what I have to do…
I’m always depress. But I try to be not regretful. I’m really trying not to. As I’m gaining age, I become more mindful about my life. And I got to tell, I regret choosing comfort over earning money first, which comfort could attain later.
Why did I really let that opportunity slipped away?
Because I want to have time for myself. I don’t want to spend six days in the job.
I was so immature before, now I regret it. A lot (you have no idea…). After I let that opportunity slipped away, I found comfort. But I couldn’t earn money and things I need.
Now I envy those who are earning and able to buy things. Although I still can be like them, it’s not easy. Also I’m depress because I know I haven’t been that productive and I didn’t use my time well enough…But as much as I want to ignore my regrets, I’ll just try not to linger much to those…
My birthday. Was actually December 20, and I know I didn’t post here that day, got really busy on my part-time. I haven’t even announce it in advance either. I’m terrible. Seems I’m not joyful and thankful that I have a birthday…
But anyway, please greet me a very belated happy birthday! 🎉🎂😆😅
And you know I actually read a quote in Facebook, I think, one time. Not the exact words though, it said “you’re mature when you treat your birthday as normal.” Yeah it was just normal, I even told my mother not to cook for my day, so we could cook our handa on Christmas Eve instead. However the handaan still happened. We cooked spaghetti and pansit which were just enough for the fam. Some of my closest friends greeted me, but not the people I know and been close before, which was a little lonesome.. moving on..
Bullet journal. I’m just gonna tell you this now so you’ll know.. that I’m doing bullet journal, which was started on December 2018. And so to prepare for this new year, I bought new journal notebook and some other supplies.
The first time I started bullet journal, I bought a dotted notebook. Yeah you have to really design your own journal. With the help of my colored pens I did have designed my notebook. Here’s a terrible part that can say I’m a terrible person somehow: I stopped journaling on the month of September 2019… Half of my notebook is still empty. I also just checked my private journal, and I also lost of writing since Aug 30 2019. My next writing was Dec 21 2019.
I’m really terrible…
So since I got lazy and unmotivated designing, for 2020 I bought new one with its own format already.
New self-help book. Found the book “101 Questions You Need To Ask in Your Twenties” by Paul Angone. I love this kind of books now really. With this one I newly bought, I’m excited to answer the questions. I guess there’ll be matters that will be clearer to me…
Work. So I thought maybe I’m not made to work online or as a freelancer for now, I decided to apply for actual works. I think I’m meant to do actual works. And it’s another bunch of interviews here and there. I’m just thankful that God gives me some confidence and the calm, because we know sometimes interviews are scary… Minsan lang naman di ba?